Writin' Forty

For reasons that maybe one day I'll reveal there was a time in my life when I really just didn't want to feel anything. There's probably a time where we all feel this way because it's easier; if you don't feel you don't have to process. If you don't have to process, you don't have to deal with any part of what made you feel in the first place. With everything that's going on now there's no way I could be the only one to relate to that. My way of dealing with this was to become (what I felt was like) a Spartan: a warrior who was faced with formidable challenges but soldiered on; who could handle anything and, if he showed emotions or stress about the situation, you wouldn't know of it. The idea of a Spartan seemed comforting and something I could really identity with at the time. It occurred to me recently that maybe some part of that young man in me kept some part of that Spartan mentality. The reason this occurred to me because of jiu-ji

I often wonder why Marshawn Lynch came back to the NFL. He was reasonably healthy. He had a lot of money because unlike a lot of NFL players he didn't spend it all while he played. But most of all was this: They showed this special about him on ESPN and what Marshawn was doing after his retirement. At one point he went to Scotland. He put on a kilt. He listened to men play bagpipes. There was a scene where a few gentlemen we're playing and Marshawn was kind of doing this dance and just looked so damn happy. Like, all the hits and the coaching and the injuries was completely worth it for this moment in his life. I thought about this moment because of this past weekend. Some college buddies and I planned for years to make a trip back during the football season to meet up. We talked and talked. It never happened. But for whatever reason it never materialized until this year. I could tell you a lot of little things that happened. Conversations. Dinner. Having the privilege of

I wonder what it is about getting older that makes you care less in a good way. I'll explain in my long, meandering way. I have always liked to sing and have since forever. But no one knew it except maybe, like, Mom and a close friend or two. I'm not saying I should have some solo career or anything like that. Hell no. I meandered from the meandering. I'd sing with friends or in my room but that was it. I worked up the courage to sing at karaoke when I was 24. It took me being completely drunk to get up in front of people and sing "Inside Out" by Eve 6. 40 year old me wonders what the fuss was about. Even if I absolutely sucked and ruined the song the people listening got what they paid for. No one's life was at stake. I just took myself way too seriously. Many people do. Once I decided to care less, things got a ton better. Even better, it makes me feel pretty good to get up and sing a song a really like and if I do a good job? Even better. If someone tel