I Remember

I never wanted to pay attention to politics and I want you to know that is as true of a statement as I ever said. As a black American, I would say I went along as I got along as much as any other person for most of my life, even if starting my career as a black officer in the Air Force made me a minority of a minority. I was aware there were racial things, issues, events. But I stayed away from politics.

I remember when I was in college and eligible to vote for the first time, in Air Force ROTC it was talked about how military was supposed to vote Republican. I remember an e-mail going through ROTC channels about how the Clintons were connected to dozens of murders. This was somewhere circa 1996-1998. 

I remember maybe 10 years later in one of the best assignments I was a part of in the Air Force that people, if you had a set of ideas they didn’t like, would call you derisively a “liberal”. This made you defensive about not wanting to be one. I remember not liking that and I also remember thinking back then it felt like a new form of racism; that you could call anyone you didn’t like a liberal and that justified treating them any sort of way. I remember not liking that either. 

I remember in 2008 the Democrats were deciding between a woman and a black man while the Republicans decided on an established white man. I remember thinking there was no way Obama could win the election until the Republicans selected Palin as their VP. I remember, even then, thinking that America was not ready for a black president. I remember when Obama won the election not a few weeks passed where top Republicans met at Old Ebbitt’s Grill, a place where I’ve been, and made the decision to obstruct him on literally anything he did. I remember a rush of people in the Air Force and across the military rushing to get out of service so their retirement or separation papers didn’t have Barack Obama’s name on them. 

I remember a few years later some issue came up about Obama. It was one of those where Republicans were upset with him about one side of the issue, he addressed it, but then Republicans were mad about the other side of the issue. I wrote something about it on Facebook and a ROTC friend from college and I had a back and forth about it. He asked me “Why do you care so much?” and I answered “One day, that could be me in the same position.” That same friend, years later, taunted me to remind me that Donald Trump was my president. I haven’t heard from him since.

I remember a Facebook friend had a profile picture of him flipping off Obama. This person needed anyone looking at his page to know that’s how he felt and who he was. I remember another friend calling Obama, a family man without a hint of impropriety towards his wife, just like the person who made the comment, “a piece of shit”. I remember someone who I have respect for sharing a meme of Michelle Obama being compared to a gorilla.

I remember more Facebook encounters. Maybe not in the most tactful way I mentioned to my white friends that if they wanted to learn more about minorities, they should shut up and listen to what we are saying. I remember someone telling me they flat out would not shut up as a white person because they “had something to contribute to the conversation”. The night before Trump’s inauguration I remember someone saying “This is the first night I have rested easily in eight years.”

I remember living in Texas. Someone who said he was a Christian told me if Hillary Clinton were in front of him he’d Superman punch her as hard as he could. I asked him what he thought of Trump’s comments about Mexicans that he used to launch his presidential campaign. It was pertinent because the gentleman was of Mexican descent. He answered, “I’m not Mexican. I’m American.” At work, I remember an older gentleman telling me, “You know Obama ain’t done nothin’” in reference to his presidency. I remember coming into the 2016 election and seeing quite a few friends of friends, assuming that Clinton was going to win, saying that they “had their guns ready”. 

I remember a person who has told me on many occasions I’m like a brother to him, upon listening to me pre-2016 election that I felt so strongly against the messages Donald Trump was sending out that I’m considering telling people publicly if you side with him/vote for him then we aren’t friends assured me I shouldn’t be so hasty in my considerations of letting people go like that. He then voted for Trump. He did not tell me he did so. I have another friend who also has told me I’m like a brother who did tell me he voted for Trump. I’ve been open with him about what I think about that but I honestly don’t know if he gets what I’m saying.

I remember the reaction my wife and I had the night Trump won the election. I remember the plans I made that very night that I’ve followed through until this day. When it was revealed Trump had ties to Russia that helped him win the election, I remember people saying “better Russians than Democrats”. I remember people consistently denying this fact the more concrete it got. I remember losing many “friends” from Facebook for not even supporting anything Democratic but instead showing any opposition to anything Trump was saying at that time…

I remember more than that but mostly, I remember why I never wanted to pay attention to politics in the first place. I remember why I have to pay attention now. Mostly, I remember this was all just my story to tell. I haven’t come to any conclusions within this story but I definitely have in my own personal life. 

I remember discretion. I’ve gone as far as I can here.