Frustration
It occurred to me as I was getting headlocked in jiu-jitsu class that I really don't like getting headlocked. Your head is being suffocated. I know being headlocked doesn't necessarily restrict your breathing but it does restrict your ability to move. Apparently, that's something I just. Don't. Like! No sir, you can have it, it makes me panic. Then I'm mad at myself that I'm panicking. It really is a whole damn thing.
AND THIS WAS JUST PRACTICE! UGH.
Believe it or not this doesn't really have to do with the title of this blog. When I was getting headlocked I was reminded that in the school I'm in we practice a lot of fundamental stand-up fighting scenarios: if you meet someone out in the street and they swing on you or if you meet someone and that grab your hands and back you to the corner and what not. I'm not completely unfamiliar with stand up but I'm not very good at it and this is getting more to the point of the title of the blog.
The jiu-jitsu school I left awarded stripes incrementally to the color belt you were. I am a white belt but I had three stripes. At four stripes you're right on the cusp of the next belt. The next belt after white is blue.
At my old school I earned my third stripe but my instructor had to leave. He kept the school open but as master of the school he only promoted people when he came back to visit. I was never able to be there when he was there in what has to be just the cruelest of coincidences. I was being told that I was progressing as a student but I wasn't earning my stripes, quite literally.
There were two times I was able to be there on the weekends my master instructor was there. The first, he was super busy as we moved to a new location and he didn't give out any stripes. The second time was at a big seminar with one of his masters, a renowned black belt. My instructor came up there and made a big announcement of how proud he was of one of his students and he promptly awarded a blue belt to another buddy of mine in the class.
Don't get me wrong, I was super happy for my friend and still am. But I was personally devastated. I consistently came to class and felt I was getting better and better. A peer of mine who came in at nearly the same time had earned his blue belt. I was still a three stripe white belt. You might think it's trivial but I want to tell you when you get on the mat and you sweat and get beat up and bruised that stripe, that piece of tape means so much. It means someone has seen your progress and deemed you worthy. I didn't feel worthy.
Then, life got in the way. First, I found a job at the start of this year. Then drama happened at the school I didn't want to be a part of. Fast forward about 8 months and I may have attended class this past year before I wound up in Charlotte..
...now I'm getting headlocked. When I started this new school I was asked if I wanted a brand new white belt. I declined. Why? Because hell, it might be a white belt with three stripes on it but it's MY white belt with three stripes that I earned. I'm not leaving it sitting in a closet somewhere. When I take that thing off it's because I have earned the right to wear a blue belt and I'm probably going to shed a tear or two like a big ass baby. I won't care either.
But for now I am all but a brand new white belt; the experience I have in the past is prologue to a bigger story of my time with jiu-jitsu. If I had come to this school as a blue belt it's possible that I would have been expected to know more than I do right now. I'm not sure. Ultimately it doesn't matter.
Because while I was in the headlock, I did was I was taught and got my body to the side of the person headlocking me and set up a fall back trip where I wound up on top...mostly. I asked the purple belt how it looked and I was told "terrible, but not as terrible as it was."
For now, I''ll take it.
AND THIS WAS JUST PRACTICE! UGH.
Believe it or not this doesn't really have to do with the title of this blog. When I was getting headlocked I was reminded that in the school I'm in we practice a lot of fundamental stand-up fighting scenarios: if you meet someone out in the street and they swing on you or if you meet someone and that grab your hands and back you to the corner and what not. I'm not completely unfamiliar with stand up but I'm not very good at it and this is getting more to the point of the title of the blog.
The jiu-jitsu school I left awarded stripes incrementally to the color belt you were. I am a white belt but I had three stripes. At four stripes you're right on the cusp of the next belt. The next belt after white is blue.
At my old school I earned my third stripe but my instructor had to leave. He kept the school open but as master of the school he only promoted people when he came back to visit. I was never able to be there when he was there in what has to be just the cruelest of coincidences. I was being told that I was progressing as a student but I wasn't earning my stripes, quite literally.
There were two times I was able to be there on the weekends my master instructor was there. The first, he was super busy as we moved to a new location and he didn't give out any stripes. The second time was at a big seminar with one of his masters, a renowned black belt. My instructor came up there and made a big announcement of how proud he was of one of his students and he promptly awarded a blue belt to another buddy of mine in the class.
Don't get me wrong, I was super happy for my friend and still am. But I was personally devastated. I consistently came to class and felt I was getting better and better. A peer of mine who came in at nearly the same time had earned his blue belt. I was still a three stripe white belt. You might think it's trivial but I want to tell you when you get on the mat and you sweat and get beat up and bruised that stripe, that piece of tape means so much. It means someone has seen your progress and deemed you worthy. I didn't feel worthy.
Then, life got in the way. First, I found a job at the start of this year. Then drama happened at the school I didn't want to be a part of. Fast forward about 8 months and I may have attended class this past year before I wound up in Charlotte..
...now I'm getting headlocked. When I started this new school I was asked if I wanted a brand new white belt. I declined. Why? Because hell, it might be a white belt with three stripes on it but it's MY white belt with three stripes that I earned. I'm not leaving it sitting in a closet somewhere. When I take that thing off it's because I have earned the right to wear a blue belt and I'm probably going to shed a tear or two like a big ass baby. I won't care either.
But for now I am all but a brand new white belt; the experience I have in the past is prologue to a bigger story of my time with jiu-jitsu. If I had come to this school as a blue belt it's possible that I would have been expected to know more than I do right now. I'm not sure. Ultimately it doesn't matter.
Because while I was in the headlock, I did was I was taught and got my body to the side of the person headlocking me and set up a fall back trip where I wound up on top...mostly. I asked the purple belt how it looked and I was told "terrible, but not as terrible as it was."
For now, I''ll take it.
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